OK, so how many times have you seen something advertised as ‘FREE‘ and then discovered it’s still going to involve you parting with cash? Fast food joints are classics, they hand out vouchers telling you that you can have a Super Greasy Fat Burger FREE but the small print then tells you that you only get it free if you buy another Super Greasy Fat Burger… Yes, the good old BOGOF (Buy One Get One Free)

Retailers are also guilty of it, often it’s a case of,

“Buy this ludicrously over-priced 74″ plasma TV for only £4,999.99 and get this DVD player worth £20.99 FREE”

That’s usually a pisser because if you wait 2 weeks the TV will be reduced to £1,999.99 and you’ll have change to fly to Japan and pick the DVD player up from the manufacturer!

I had my own run in with the whole, when we say free we don’t really mean free double speak earlier this week courtesy of BT (British Telecom) Now, this should really not be a surprise to me as I worked for them many moons ago and I know their highly paid lawyers earn their crust by placing devilishly tricky loop holes into all that small print that accompanies every bit of literature they print, why else does a 12 page booklet require 2 pages just for the small print and of course, who can be bothered reading all that stuff anyway?

Like a lot of households, I have a landline purely to provide my broadband needs, all my calls are made on my mobile or via Skype. The landline is paid via Direct Debit and I opt for online billing and as I never think to look at it, I seldom log on to actually view the bill, I know it’s about £11-£12 per month and that’s roughly what comes out of my account. The other day I read that they are putting prices up for the first time in xyz years and I happened to log into my account and saw a list of bills, one month stuck out as it was about £4 more than any of the others which all varied by a few pence… I had a look and the bill in question had a charge for ‘BT Caller Display’ and ‘BT Answerphone 1571′.. I was puzzled, none of the other bills had this charge so I had a quick look on their help system and read that everyone could have BT Answerphone 1571 FREE but if you wanted the advanced version there was a monthly charge… as for Caller Display, that was also FREE as part of the ‘FREE Privacy at Home’ package… SO, I drop an email to BT’s Offshore ‘help’ desk questioning why I was being charged for these ‘free’ services. Several hours later I received a response… Yes, the services were free, but only if I made at least 2 chargeable calls in the month, as I had not made any calls I wasn’t entitled to the free part of the service, therefore the £4.xx was the fee for not using the phone. I quickly checked back and lo and behold it seemed that most months I had in fact made a few calls, usually to Dominos Pizza or to an access number for when I call overseas but I also discovered I had paid this £4.xx a few times over the year. Now, it’s easy enough to say pick up the phone, make 2 calls a month for 10p and save paying the £4.xx but I have a memory like a sieve.. So I emailed them and asked them to cancel the services as I didn’t want to pay for them. They kindly replied to confirm that they had indeed cancelled my FREE services…

This irked me a little and so, like a complete sad bastard, I decided to read all the small print on a recent letter I received from BT telling me that I would get FREE weekend calls to any UK landline from 1 April. Sure enough, BT’s idea of free doesn’t match mine… Firstly, free means calls of 60mins are free, any longer than 60mins and you’ll be charged but there’s no limit to how many times you can hang up and redial… just the inconvenience of having to check the clock all the time… then I discovered point two… if you don’t make at least 2 chargeable calls in the month guess what? Yup, no free weekend calls! I’m assuming that the first 2 weekend calls would count as chargeable but if you didn’t make any other calls and your first 2 calls were for 60mins each that’s 120 x weekend call rate, which I’m far too lazy to look up but certainly not FREE!!

I wonder how many other people have been paying BT for these free things and have never noticed? I guess if you use your landline it makes no difference to you as you’re bound to pick the phone up at least twice a month but I dare say there are a few like me who probably don’t, the free services came automatically when I signed up so I just assumed as they were free that it wouldn’t cost me; as I have only given my phone number out to about 4 people in 4 years I don’t really need their answerphone or have caller display so I won’t miss them but it’s the motherfucking principle!!

Anyway, now that’s off my chest, let’s have a bit of music… I leave you now with Freeform Five and No More Conversations

Well, have you seen those lovely Apple MacBook Air’s?? Whilst I don’t approve of Apple’s ridiculous policy of requiring you to return everything back to them when the battery needs replacing, I wouldn’t mind so much if you knew you would get your own item back but mostly they advise, in tiny small print, that you may get a refurbished model back. Look here Mr Jobs, you charge through the nose for the replacement battery, at least have the decency to return the item that was sent or make the option of taking it into a store available. That’s why I stick with my old brick of a 3rd generation iPod, I can order a battery from eBay for £6 and get another 18 months out of it. But as usual, I digress…

PC World are running a competition from now until 30 May 2008 for the chance to win a shiny new MacBook Air, all you need to do is sign-up to get their newsletter and you’re in with a chance… So what are you waiting for?

Of course, you may not win the MacBook, in fact the law of probability says you very likely won’t but if everyone thought they weren’t going to win so didn’t bother entering, there will be very few entries meaning you stand a very good chance of winning… My old mate Paul Weller sang a song that sums it up perfectly, have a listen, until next time, stay well and send me an email if you win!

Mr Omneo writing a blog entry!!

Well, much has happened since my last entry. Some familial issues which whilst not wholly unexpected were still…unexpected. This then set off a chain of events which then brought about more less than happy events but also something quite unexpectedly good. Anyway, I’m not here to drone on and on about my fucked up family, the more I talk with others I discover just about every family is fucked up, whereas once I felt I was in the minority I realise I’m in the majority and the minority comprises of people with perfect families.

Work has been busy, busy both the day job and my own little enterprise. I sat up till 3.30am trying to submit my self assessment tax return after putting it off every weekend for about 4 months, I did vow that I would be better prepared for this years attempt… needless to say the closest I’ve got is to make one huge pile of paperwork on my desk as opposed to 3 or 4 smaller piles!

Yesterday I finished a site for Ross Trevail, a photographer, pop over to www.rosstrevail.com and have a look, recognise that shade of blue? I’m also working on a designa dn shopping cart for www.chopandcut.co.uk, a supplier of diamond blades and cutting tools; no real idea when I’ll finish that maybe a month or two as I’m still awaiting details of the products that are actually for sale.

Anyone whose read a few entries here will know I keep recommending Sellaband.com and this entry is no exception. My biggest investment is in Kaitee Page, think Alanis Morissette but a bit rockier and with violins and you’re close to getting an idea but of course the easiest way is to head over to her page and have a listen for yourself. Kaitee has accumulated almost $36,000 and once she reaches $50,000 the band will be off making their record, so get in while you can. Another artist I like is Grant Stevens. Grant has only recently signed up to sellaband so could do with a morale boost by a few of you readers buying a part and letting him know that not everyone is interested in listening to Britney Spears, so go on, head over to Grant’s page, have a listen and part with $10 (or $20 or $30 or more!)and if you do invest in Grant, let him know Mr Omneo sent you and you may just find you get something special from the great man himself!

OK, perhaps you’re wondering what Sellaband is all about and don’t want to wade through their site, let me sum it up in non-hype speak… You listen to the bands on sellaband, each artist has 3 tracks up for you to listen to. You like someone you buy a part, each part is $10. When the artist reaches $50,000 they go off and record an album. For each part you buy, you get 1 limited edition CD at the end of it which you can either keep or sell, if you sell it you can get back between $9 and $11 . Hmmm you say, that doesn’t sound like much but wait… there’s more! In addition to the sale of the CD’s you own, you also get to share 90% of the artists overall net profits from CD sales and MP3 downloads, the artist gets 10%. But what is you change your mind? Simple, you just cash in your parts and the money is transferred back to your account so you really do have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Worst case scenario is you end up with a limited edition CD which has cost you $10… that’s less than a happy meal and a beer, unless of course you’re in the UK like me where you won’t even get a happy meal for $10 never mind a beer!

With Easter just around the corner I thought that rather than leave you with a musical interlude, I’d remind you of the amazing work of a special man. No dummy not him, I mean of course the great Bill Hicks! Listen and leave enlightened