What are they all about? Sometimes, just sometimes it feels like I couldn’t give a damn about anything but the reality is I probably care more than i let on, not just to others but to myself. It’s almost as if I’m so used to closing my thoughts/feelings off I’ve forgotten to recognise when i feel anything at all.

Chatting with someone on-line in preparation for meeting them and to be honest I wonder if it’s worth meeting them. The reality is we’re probably two different people with different expectations on what we want from life, sure we seem to get on, maybe a little too well but there are definite differences between us albeit mostly materialistically.

Perhaps that’s my problem more than hers. I think I dropped out of that ‘wanting more’ a long time ago but I still, to a certain extent, live the lifestyle of someone who wants. Maybe I’m being defeatist before the actual event, psyching myself up for a disappointment before it actually happens and maybe in some way going in with a negative mental attitude? But by the same token, i don’t want to go in with a positive attitude and end up feeling worse…how do you manage to strike the balance? Is it at all possible??

I’ll let you know once I’ve thought about it.

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