Phoenix Rising

It entered my consciousness today that we mourn the death of non-living things. I was probably always aware of that fact but as I said, it only really entered my consciousness today, at around 15:06 GMT to be more precise, roll a dice if you want the seconds as well!

I had just finished converting the tune that I selected for this blog, as regular readers will know, I often share a favourite or obscure track in my blogs, usually something that inspired me to actually burn some calories and type! I’ve chosen a rather excellent live recording of Long Black Veil by The Dave Matthews Band, the track was taken from a 6CD live set recorded over 3 nights at The Gorge in September 2002. I guess it touches the romantic fool inside of me that likes to think I would do the same, all in the name of love. But anyway, that got me thinking about how I was going to write this entry when it occurred to me that I’ve just spent the last few months in a period of ‘mourning’ but now I’m just sick of the same ‘blah’ feeling, it’s time to move on, yes? Excellent!! I’m glad you agree.

So? What the fuck am I going on about? Well, I recently decided to cull a load of people from my life; don’t worry, I didn’t go ‘postal’ and gun people down in the street, tho for some it’s a tempting prospect. I merely went through my address book and thought long and hard about each person and whether it was worth keeping in contact. it’s worth mentioning that the exercise wasn’t all about getting rid of people, I also re-gained contact with 2 very good friends who had married and moved away, one to South Africa and the other to somewhere far more dangerous…Yorkshire!

Overall I didn’t lose sleep about any of the people I chose to say goodbye to, with the exception of 1. Rather foolishly I decided when I was drunk that that’s what I would do and then realised that once I had said it I couldn’t really go back. Better out than in I supposed and figured, well, now it’s all out in the open. I secretly hoped that ‘she’, for it was a female, would laugh it off and things would revert back to ‘normal’ given the things we’ve said to each other over the years while drunk; this barely registered above a 3 out of 10. But ‘she’ didn’t say anything and still hasn’t…

So, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for a while. Beating myself up for being so stubborn but actually I look at it now and think, “hold on… Friendship is a two way thing and ‘she’ has never made any attempt at talking to me despite me trying a few times on MSN to start a conversation. So perhaps she never really cared after all? Which of course makes me wonder when ‘she’ decided that our friendship was over? I’d like to ask her but it’s hardly the sort of thing she’ll reply to, if she can’t reply to “How are you?” what hope do I have with, “So, when did you realise that our friendship was over and where you ever going to tell me or did you hope I’d take the silence to mean ‘get lost’?” Yes, I thought you’d agree with me.

Anyway, it’s all rather academic. It’s over, it’s finished, it will soon be forgotten. just as well I now have this blog, so I can look back someday and remember the people I’ve lost in life as well as the people I’ve found. Who’s to say we won’t talk again in years to come, some of my close friends now are those I’ve ‘lost’ before. But then again, I was different back then also. Back then I was probably more willing to preserve the good memories of people I’ve known, seldom recalling the bad times. Reality is teaching me that I need a new prescription for my spectacles, the rose tint has faded from the ones I’m wearing now. Life is certainly much different when you spend most of your waking hours ‘normal’ and by ‘normal’ I mean not on drugs :)

Anyway, click play
sit back and listen to Mr Matthews and his band. They’re playing at Wembley Arena in May, might try and get a ticket last minute on ebay… I’ve noticed that if you buy tickets for gigs during the last week, no matter how sold it is, people would rather sell and make a loss as they can’t return the tickets. Check it out next time you want tickets to a sold out show, just make sure they have the tickets in hand…another money saving tip brought to you by the letters M, R and O!

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