On Monday evening I was fortunate enough to spend a an hour in the company of a gorgeous and talented young woman. Sadly, I had to share her company with a few hundred others who sat around seat K20 at the Garrick Theatre. For the beauty who had enraptured me was of course Billie Piper, starring in a terrific play called Treats. A black comedy which had some powerful moments, actually the entire 2nd act was astounding in the way it managed to convey so much with so little dialogue, I’ve been pondering bits of the play over in my head and almost feel like going back to see it again, and not just for another sight of Billie’s shapely legs and needless to say I won’t be too upset at having to glimpse Billie’s near naked torso again… sigh
I’m not quite sure what it is I find so enchanting about Billie, she just exudes this earthy sexuality. I look at her and find it impossible not to feel a shiver of excitement at the mere thought of pressing my lips against hers. Her mouth has to fight her eyes for my attention, she’s possibly the only ‘famous’ person I’ve ever really had sexual thoughts of. Strange I know but I just don’t get the point of lusting after someone who will never be a part of your life, why burden yourself with all that mental frustration?! Nah, I much prefer to torture myself to a higher degree, I just lust after people who are in my life but don’t know I lust after them… there’s nowt as good as unrequited love for cleansing the soul ;-) But anyway, yeah Billie Piper, I can’t see a photo of her in a magazine or paper etc without thinking, “Fuck yeah! I would really like to make love to you Billie, just to find out if you taste as good as you look” And please don’t think I just want to fuck her, oh god no, If I’m going to fantasise I’m going for the works, I’m not fantasising about anything less than an intense love making session which would involve considerable amounts of foreplay and that’s all I’m saying :)
So anyway, my colleague who will be revelling in the fact that he is getting yet another mention in my blog, was also in attendance on Monday evening with an associate of his who seemed to be quite a pleasant guy; writing a film script so must aspire to some boho existence on the borderline of poverty and despair, unless of course the script is about some ageing has been who return to take on ‘bad guys’ young enough to be his grandsons…Hollywood doesn’t like movies which make you think, unless its the way some commercial sponsor has told them they want to make you think, with product placement all over the fucking place, no thanks to that fucking Australian/American Bastard Murdoch.
As I was saying, my colleague has taken it upon himself to… get this… write to Billie Piper c/o The Garrick Theatre, to tell her that I thought her performance was superb and enclosing one of my ‘business’ cards, suggesting she contacts me if she feels like a coffee or a frozen yoghurt! What it must be to live in a fantasy world where you could even remotely consider that she’ll ever get the letter never mind her not immediately contacting Bow Street cop shop to have a restraining order issued preventing poor mr omneo from going to the theatre… She wouldn’t do that would she?? Would she?!? Nah, come on, she married that twat Chris Evans, she must be used to nutters by now. So whilst my colleague is only mildly deranged he is far more entertaining that Evans, then again I find modelling life size sculptures of tyrannosaurus rexs with my ear wax more entertaining than Chris Evans so I’m not sure that’s much of a compliment…sorry McPot!!
However, in the extremely unlikely event that the ravishing Miss Piper ever finds this entry and can excuse my airing my lustful thoughts of her she will find that the offer of coffee is really there. I mean come on, what sort of cad would I be to turn her down if she did contact me??
So, what song will accompany this blog? Click play to hear Stevie Wonder sing my song :p