There’s not much to be said, yet I have so much to say… do you ever get moments like that? You have so much to say and yet you have nothing to share with anyone, not even yourself?!
It’s complicated at times, nothing in particular, just ‘being’ is complicated, even if you’re nothing to anyone else, not even yourself, you still somehow have to manage being who you are, in spite of all the contradictions that the ‘self’ brings with it.
Today I discovered that someone I thought liked me doesn’t, it was weird… all along I thought, “Hmmm why does she like me?!” I was flattered that she did like me but deep down I wondered, “Why?” then today, or is it yesterday? Whichever, she emailed me to say she didn’t like me in the way she had led me to believe and she doubted she could ever like me in a way that I would want… I wondered why she chose to write to me at all… I mean, who writes to tell someone they don’t like someone?! it’s not like I had professed un-dying love and admiration for her (Kinda strange for me!) All that had happened is that I had told her, before she embarked on a round the world trip, is that I would like to go on a date with her when she returned, assuming we were both single at the time…she had agreed, but now feels she has to tell me that she doubts she will ever feel anything for me, hence she no longer wants to go on a date with with me… You know, there was a time I would really have cared but now… now I strive to make this a blog topic.. I mean I like her, obviously, why else would I have wanted to go on a date with her but really… the whole idea was to go on a date or two and see what happened, suddenly she’s decided that she can’t even face that idea… it’s not about me… it’s about something else but she seems to feel that by pushing me away it solves whatever the problem is… there was a time I would rebel and tell her, “**** don’t be such a stupid girl, just go with the flow” but now I can’t be arsed… if she wants to push me away so be it, baby can get put in the corner, in fact baby likes the fucking corner, baby loves the frickin corner, baby was born for the god-damn corner…baby hates Patrick Swayze tho ;)