Well, another day another dollar… well that’s what they say, whoever they are… obviously not anyone who ever paid tax, national insurance or council tax and water rates!
It only seems like yesterday that I was busy celebrating the end of 2007 and the start on 2008 and here we are, almost mid-way through the third month and does anything feel any different? Does it fuck… It’s really quite depressing and if it wasn’t for the fact I’ve been there and got the T Shirt I’d be depressed right now, but still… I just can’t help but think something should have happened by now, don’t ask me what I think should have happened for I have not a clue but with every day that goes past I keep thinking I should be doing something and perhaps that’s it… I feel like I’m in some limbo state, no idea what it is I want to do and no energy to get up off my cute arse and look for something to do…
I bemoan the fact that I never meet anyone and yet I don’t make any effort to actually go out and meet people. I was chatting with a friend on MSN the other day, we started chatting about 6 or 7 years ago and often go long periods without talking but whenever we do chat we invariably refer to those early days, she remembers them better than me mainly due to the fact I was taking a crazy mix of pharmaceuticals that has rendered my brain sieve like. She married, had a kid, is getting divorced and is now living with another guy but complains that she feels lost and is sure that if we hooked up everything would be better. A part of me would like to believe her but I know what its like to live in that fantasy world of believing that the one you can’t have, be it due to distance or existing relationship status, is the one and it’s only because you know you can’t have that one that you con yourself into believing they are the one… talk about a crazy mind fuck?!
Having said that, most of the people I regularly stay in contact with are those I’ve known for years, who I adored and still do but sometimes I wonder if I still adore them for the reasons above, because I can’t have them… is this why I don’t move on? I’m thinking this year that I should holiday back in the US of A primarily to visit some of these people and perhaps just get it all out of the way after all, it’s so easy to assume the person we chat to for a few hours every few months is perfect but spend a few hours in each others company and you will either be dying to rip their clothes off or rip their throats out… it’s no surprise to know I’d much prefer the former to the latter!
I guess half the battle is knowing the issue, by knowing what it is that’s messing with your head it makes dealing with it easier… or so they say and I swear if I ever find out who the fuck they are I’ll be delivering a swift kick to their shins…bastards!!
I was browsing a friends flcker album the other day, if you read this blog a few years ago you’d have read about her, Julie, the amazingly lovely girl who had the misfortune of spilling a glass of red wine over her white trousers, tho she insists on calling them pants. She dated a guy and they broke up and then they got back together again and I hate to admit it but they make a lovely couple… I think Julie was the closest I came to admitting I had feelings for who felt the same way, she contemplated moving to the UK at one point but a better job arose in the states so she stayed, I secretly cursed that well paid job of hers… but at the end of the day, she’s found happiness and that’s all anyone can wish for a friend although I have told her that if the boy hurts her again I will hunt him down and dispose of him like the mangy dog he is and thanks to flcker it’s all so much easier as I have his photo =)
The musical interlude for this entry is bound to raise some eyebrows and you know what? I don’t care… It’s by the Dave Matthews Band and was recorded live from a 3 day stint they did at Red Rocks, in Colorado. So sit back and savour Say Goodbye