Skunk as a drunk

Well, let me tell you ever since I discovered this new found ability to write a blog entry and then have it set to appear much later than the thought occurred…well, let’s just say it’s a bit like discovering masturbation all over again.  Here I am with the ability to induce levels of satisfaction within myself that I had previously only dreamt of.

Take now for instance.  It is now approximately 19.29 on Monday 6 October 2008.  That’s when I am penning these words but due to fangled new-age techno-babble you won’t get to read this until just after midnight on Wednesday 8 October 2008… How neat is that??

The irony of it all is, much as the entry heading suggests, I’m drunk as a skunk, and as such the topic I wanted to post about I have forgotten.  How can this happen I hear you ask??   If you weren’t asking it I can only assume you are as drunk as me and have just failed to realise that is what you wanted to ask.

I was standing in the kitchen, no less than 10 minutes ago, making a sandwich (peanut butter and morello cherry jam) and drinking an over-sized glass of whisky when the thought of a great blog entry struck me.  I chuckled to myself as I thought of the witty lines I would use to entertain you, my dear readers, and make you feel that this was one of the few blogs you need ever read as it contained all the fun, laughter and thought provoking material you would ever need.  Yes, I’m aware that that, in itself, is joke enough!

Anyway, by the time I made it to the living room, which houses the computer, the whole idea of the blog had vanished!  Now, we’re talking of a distance of only 50 feet or so, how could it have gone in such a short time?  Oh how fickle is the human brain.  I’m sure if I were an antelope I would have a better memory recall system, however that might have more to do with antelopes not consuming large quantities of whisky!

Suddenly, out of the blue I have an inkling of what it was I was going to blog about, minus all those witty lines I thought I had thought about… Spelling and grammar!

Whoop de woo! Aren’t you happy I remembered before logging off to watch season 3 of Dexter?  I’ll try and make it quick.  I was thinking about how little attention we now pay to spelling and grammar.  How many times have you received an email that was written in text speak?  U no wat I meen! We all h8 it but u an I cnt hlp but drop in2 the lingo.

Today I received an email from a mystery shopping company that I work for.  This is a company that likes to inform me that my reports should be written in correct English and that I will have points deducted for spelling errors.  They emailed me to let me know that, “You will be payed for the assignment after all” (we’d been disagreeing over an assignment that they weren’t going to pay for and they cited reasons totally at opposite to what I had carried out…far be it for me to say I was right but hey, I WAS RIGHT!) Anyway, payed? what kinda fucked up English is that?  Even the 15 year old delinquents I know write better English than that.

Well, luckily for you, I have still forgotten the remainder of the post I was thinking of posting, so you’ll have to make do with this sorry excuse of a post.  Rest assured tho, it was a cracking piece of work…full of laughter and acerbic wit and repartee and who knows, maybe even something worth reading?

I’m personally torn between the whole one must write like one is an aficionado of the English language and the who gives a fuk how u spell shit as long as the otha 1 knows wat it is u was tryin 2 say camp.  I’m not very good at writing in text speak, as evidenced by my 4 messages to say one simple thing but should we mock those who decide to cut out what they see as superfluous letters from the English language?

Actually, I have decided we should mock them, or perhaps not mock them as much as rain down fire and brimstone upon the teachers who let them leave school without being able to construct sentences using proper English and grammar.

Who didn’t grow up thinking it was ridiculous that thought was spelt T-H-O-U-G-H-T and not T-H-A-W-T? Thinking the language stupid doesn’t mean we get to re-shape the language for  past and future speakers, if that were the case I would never have to learn French, French would just be the same as English… simple, non?

By the way, it’s now 20.05 on Monday night, you still won’t get to read this until at least 00.00 Wednesday, jeezus I love technology! :p

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