Yackity Yack, Who Talks Back?

I’m going to make an admission in this entry, something that some people know, some people suspect and more than a few have no idea about whatsoever… I talk to myself!

Actually, saying I talk to myself is not much of an admission, I’m sure the majority of you reading this will, if you’re honest, admit to having spent time chatting to yourself when there is no one else around.  Why then have I felt this worthy of a blog?  Well, what I’m not sure others do is talk to themselves in persona’s! You see it’s like this, when I talk to myself I am not really talking to myself, I’m talking to one of my many friends and they are varied in number.

A few years ago I was chatting to my friend Lea, I would change her name to protect her identity but I’ve already typed it out so there’s no point now.  Anyway, Lea asked me one time if I ever spoke to myself and I replied, “Of course, best conversation I’ve ever had!” “No, No,” she replied, “What I meant was have you ever spoken to yourself but replied as someone else?”  I laughed, “Ha Ha Ha Ha!” and then said, “Like I said, best conversation I’ve ever had!” she looked at me with a sense of relief, “Wow! that’s great I thought I was a bit of a freak, did you think it was weird having another voice in your head?”  I looked at her as if she was a freak…”What? You mean just one voice?? I have loads!”

We then got into a discussion, I kid you not, on the insanity levels a person must breach dependant on the number of voices they have in their head… Lea thought having 1 was her on the road to being locked up in an asylum if the authorities ever found out… that was until I explained that on any given day I have around 15-20.

Perhaps it’s past drug use, perhaps it’s living alone or perhaps it’s creative licence but whatever it is, I have always, for as long as I can remember, had conversations wth myself which involve dodgy accents.  Usually they appear while cooking, say I’m making pasta, that will usually mean Luigi joins me and we, chop chop choppa da garlic together.  I may be making a rogan josh curry, in which case it’s likely that Raj pops into the kitchen with me to ensure the naan bread is cooked just so. Chicken and black bean stir fry? That will be Tengfei who answers back.  Mexican? Of course it could only be Cesar…You get the idea?  Thankfully I don’t know any Welsh recipes otherwise my Pakistani Tom Jones mate would reply and you know what?  I really can’t stand him!

So there you have it, the league of nations resides in my head.  It’s no coincidence that I’m now day number 5 into my resolution of no booze so who knows if my candour is a result of the alcohol deprivation?!  That might explain why Rab C Nesbitt was arguing with me in the kitchen tonight and telling me that the half bottle of whisky was an integral part of the meal I was making…” But Rab,” I said, “Are you sure there’s such a thing as Duck a la whisky?!” “Sure? Sure??” he replied, “Why you wee bastard, I’ll gie ya sure by the way!!”  At that point I knocked myself unconscious with the frying pan and when I woke up Rab had gone and the smoke alarm was telling me it was time to eat ;)

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