Do you ever have periods where you just cannot be bothered with anything? Getting up in the morning, going to bed at night, working, reading, watching television. Anything.
I’m not talking about being depressed, it’s probably that pre-depression stage where you just feel fed-up, lethargic and apathetic about everything but if anyone asks you’ll be damned if you can explain.
If you haven’t, then I’m a bit envious because I frequently go through phases of it, the most recent bout has been going on for too long. It doesn’t help that often during these bouts my brain throws an existential crisis into the mix to really relax me.
Generally, I frequently think, Why am I here? What is the point? but I usually ponder the questions for a few minutes, decide I don’t know the answer to the first and realistically come to the conclusion there is none to the second but I’m not going to kill myself over it. However, when I’m in a funk those existential questions typically end up with the same answers but I really put my brain through the wringer getting there.
Fortunately, because these bouts are fairly common I can now usually recognise when I’m in such a state and work myself back out of it, eventually. I’ve been in a funk since the the start of the new year but it has taken until now for me to give myself the kick up the arse I need to start shaking it off. I know why I got myself here, I’ve been talking about making a big change in my life for a while and now it is getting to the point where I have to either do something to effect the change or accept I’m going to let things stay as they are and let me tell you, the latter is not an option.
That’s probably why this weekend I cleaned the flat from top-to-bottom; I’m talking taking down all the art from the walls to clean the frames (and there are a lot of fucking picture frames to be cleaned!), lifting up the bed to vacuum the bit the hose doesn’t reach and putting about 30 glass jars in the recycling bin because if I haven’t found a use for them over the last year, chances are they won’t really come in handy one day.
Today I’ve brewed up two batches of kombucha; one using green tea and one using black tea. I may have wasted my time because the scobys are from the batch which has been sitting for two months and I’ve no idea if I’ve killed them or not. The internet tells me that if there is no mould they are okay but we’ll see. As for my ginger beer plant…I’m pretty certain I’ve killed it but damned if I can find much guidance online. That’s research for another day, I’m off out now.