Sometimes, just sometimes, I just feel so tired of it all… of the people I know, the work I do, the life I lead, the dreams I have, the life I aspire to. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish i could go back to a moment in time when things seemed better and instead of making choice ‘A’ I made choice ‘B’, just to see what would have happened, if I would have settled with someone I cared for but was too embarrassed to admit liking? How fucked up is that anyway?! At 21 I was fortunate enough to be liked by more than 1 very attractive, intelligent women and I didn’t know what to do so ran like fuck… now I wonder just what was going on in my head?! I guess that old adage, “Be careful what you wish for” is true after all?!
Right now I don’t know what I want or even where I want to be, I just know I would rather be somewhere else right now, probably travelling but no idea to where, just ‘in transit’ but most of all I want to be with someone, someone who cares for me half as much as I want to care for them… I guess the other thing I realised today (I’ve realised it for a long time) I’m getting as broody as fuck!
Today seemed to be school outing day, on the way to Wimbledon I passed 3 separate school groups, kids of around 5 or 6 and they just looked so adorable, mothers/nannies pushing 2 years olds in buggies the thought of being responsible for another living being, shaping their future so that they grow up to realise their own dreams, the realisation that I’m not getting any younger and that I don’t want to start fatherhood too old to enjoy it, too old to participate in the fun and games that raising a child involves, too old to enjoy embarrassing the hell out my kids when they are in their teens 8-)