Well, what a bizarre weekend I’ve had and it’s only just hit Sunday!
The week itself has been a strange one, lots of thoughts being processed over and over again and each time the end result is marginally more confusing than the previous time. Needless to say I am as further forward now as I was 20 years ago.
I have no idea what I want in life, the moment I thought I did was really only the moment I realised I was still a lifetime away from figuring it out. I think/would like to believe I know what I want, based upon what I know I can realistically expect to achieve. Romantically I have had to spend time sorting my head out and accepting that perhaps my ‘first’ choice is always going to be unattainable so I should stop day-dreaming and move further down the list. The only thing is I just long for the one I now tell myself I can never have. The problems with being a romantic fool are many and varied, trust me on this one!
I’ve been asked for my hand in marriage and the hand in question would get £750 in used notes from my Australian wife who desires to stay in the country and is looking for an off the peg husband de jour. The problem is I feel I’m worth a little more than £750 so I think I’ll say no but who knows, a few sambucas and she may well talk me into thinking it’s a great idea?! (I know she’s too tight to buy the sambuca so I guess I’m safe!)
Regular readers will have read about how I planned on meeting Amy in April and in the end we didn’t catch up. Well today, after six and a half years, we finally caught up with each other in Oxford Street and had a drink and a natter. It was most strange, this was our first meeting since Jan 2000 and whilst we’ve chatted via MSN and the telephone since, it was a strange meeting. Part of me felt like I was sitting with a close friend but the conversation was a little tricky as I realised subconsciously that I didn’t really know her. That said I can easily see what it was that attracted me to her in the first place, she is so refreshingly down-to-earth you can’t help but think the sun shines out of her pert backside (not that I was looking!)
Tomorrow I’m off to some wildlife park/zoo… no real idea where it is just know I have to be ready at 10am for my lift… edit I went to Whipsnade Wild Animal Park, first time there, was great! Photo’s
In closing let me ask you this… when you think you know what you want, even after you’ve told yourself it’s impossible to attain and you go for it…
what do you do when you get cold feet shortly after starting? Is it OK to feel like you shouldn’t have bothered as you knew you were always going to fail and is it OK to think yourself an idiot for giving up at the first sign of something non dreamlike?
If I get what I want now, how on earth can I plan for the future when I will no longer have control of what the future might be?