Le Weekend…

Well, some readers I know are looking forward to this blog and I hope it’s not going to disappoint them. I was wondering how to actually write this blog when I received the following message on MSN:

Allegro molto appassionato… says:
hello marc
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
i am sorry but i think i will not have any contact with you anymore
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
it doesnt seem really good for you
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
nor nice to me
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
things dont seem to change at all
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
so its is the last time i see you and talk to you in a very long time
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
goodbye and be really well
Allegro molto appassionato… says:
and im sorry for everything you might have been suffering
Allegro molto appassionato… says:

To say I was furious is an understatement. I know a colleague at work thinks I am pretty old fashioned with my values, and perhaps he is right but for crying out loud… surely the majority of us know ‘good’ behaviour from ‘bad’ behaviour?

This is my actual response to that message, it probably sums up the events of the weekend nicely so there is little more for me to add.

Hi Aurelie,

Thanks for the message you left me on MSN. I guess it was too much to expect from you that you would say goodbye in an email at least, however to be honest I was surprised to hear from you at all. I had already decided i would no longer contact you but for reasons that are different than you think.

I have no romantic interest in you, I ceased to have that a few years ago. Perhaps that is what you didn’t understand about me, i wasn’t attracted to you on a purely physical level, i genuinely believed that Aurélie, the person, was caring, compassionate, capable of consideration for others, a whole many things but general decency was never thought to be a pre-requisite that was required as who on earth would not be armed with such basic skills in life?

What I do have is the memory that you were the first person i can ever attribute the feelings of ‘love’ to, I can’t say for certain you were the first person i ever loved because until a few years ago I didn’t understand myself very well at all, let alone know myself but with time and help i started to unravel some of the mysteries that made me who I am and who I am is not a bad person. Who I am was someone willing to forgive the actions of years gone past which were, however you look at it, shameful acts of deceit. I argued with friends to the point that I preferred not seeing them as it always led to defending you and why? Because i believed that your good qualities, the qualities i admired in you, out weighed the aspects of you that I wasn’t so keen on.

So I guess it needs this email for you to really understand why I was so annoyed with you after this weekend.

I came to see you because I really wanted a break away from London and work and all the shit that has been going on in my life, i wanted to just relax, get drunk and see an old ‘friend’. I wasn’t overly pissed off that we didn’t go to the drum and bass night, although I told you I’d pay, i didn’t mind buying the vodka when we went back to you place, I did mind being left with the floor to sleep on with a bag as a pillow and you, your lover/fuck buddy and your brother slept on the mattress, i did mind spending all of Saturday either waiting for you to wake up or waiting for you to return so that we could go out. I didn’t mind buying the food and drink for the party you had for your friends. I did mind waking up to the sounds of you and your lover/fuck buddy fucking noisily in my ear. I didn’t mind in the slightest checking into the hotel for the final night to allow you and your lover/fuck buddy to get with it without me lying around, it meant I got to sleep on a mattress with a pillow and a duvet. On Sunday I didn’t mind that you chose a bar that was difficult even for locals to locate when i went looking to meet you after i suggested we meet for a coffee and a chat to discuss why I left and checked into the hotel. I did mind that as soon as I arrived you said you wanted to go home and eat and then when i asked if we could have a chat you just rolled a cigarette and smirked.

It was then that I realised that you put no worth on my friendship. I wasn’t interested in fucking you, we’ve been there and unless we were both drunk I doubt we’d ever go there again. Perhaps if you had let that thought enter your brain you’d have realised that I don’t give a damn who you fuck but I do give a damn that when you know I am visiting you for 3 nights you have your lover/fuck buddy stay those same nights and even then, rather than refrain from sex for those nights, you carry on while I’m lying next to you. And I’m sorry, simply sending me a SMS saying “I’m sorry we shouldn’t be drinking” is a poor excuse for a 25 year old who claims to be an adult.

If that is how you treat your friends Aurélie then it is just as well we both agree that you and I are not friends.

So do not worry that I have been suffering from anything you have caused me. The money spent this weekend has been worth it to finally admit defeat and accept what your other ex-friends have told me for years, that you are not worth worrying about, you are selfish and don’t give a fuck for most people other than yourself. I wanted to prove them wrong but I couldn’t. I hope that in the duration of your psychology course you discover some of what makes you who you are and that you can change before you alienate even more people who care for you.

I promised your brother I would send him a disc with some MP3’s, i would like to honour my promise. Can you tell me where to post it?



You can find my email on the site if you feel at all compelled to tell me I was right or wrong in my opinions. I’m happy to read them, i doubt you’ll change my mind tho.

Sorry I needed instant gratification so I just sent her a SMS saying the following: “Thanks for your message on MSN. It amused me greatly”

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