A ramble into obvlivion…

OK, so perhaps not quite into oblivion but at least a ramble for the next few minutes!

It’s the day before NYE, I’ve slept late, eaten well and have just about finished a rather nice bottle of Cabernet Shiraz, which I’m drinking whilst eating olives stuffed with Jalapeños and listening to Nick Cave and the Bad seeds (No more shall we part)

*stop reading if you don’t want to know personal thoughts*

The CD itself brings back good and bad memories. I first heard it in 2002, I was making my second visit to Nice in late July and spending the first week at Pauline and Justin’s flat whilst they were here in London. I had returned to see Aurélie. On the night I arrived she met me at the airport and we walked to Pauline’s flat. I was so happy to see her again but I knew something was wrong. being naturally paranoid, when she decided to return to Grassé for a few days I suspected the worse, or rather I suspected she and Stéphane were more than good friends. I asked her, she told me I was being silly. I didn’t ask again, but I knew she lied.

I spent 3 days listening to Nick Cave, Pearl Jam and Peter Tosh, smoking myself senseless and drinking lots and lots of vodka by night, lying on the beach, ignoring the beautiful women who looked at me, by day. I wasn’t wrong about Aurélie and Stéphane and as silly as it sounds I was happy for her because she and I would never have worked out, not then at least. We stay in touch by email and I don’t think she ever fully understood how I liked her, it wasn’t just physical, I always knew she was someone special and she is… I have never been conscious of ever having loved anyone until I met her. I spent the following 18months feeling like shit.

But, that was the past, the past shapes us, makes us who we are today but it can’t keep us. When I listen to No more shall we part, I feel happy, happy for the time I spent with Aurélie. I don’t believe it will be the last time I see her, when we said goodbye I told her we would stay friends, I’m not sure she believed me, I think she wanted me to hate her but I couldn’t, just like i couldn’t explain why i didn’t.

*Start reading again*

So, a rare moment of reflection which usually goes on in the comfort of my head. If you venture here you’ll now know a little more about me than perhaps you would have liked. For that i make no apologies, I just thank you for being bothered to read this far! Don’t forget to read some of the other posts, lots of links to funny stuff I’ve found on the net….it’s not all about me, me, me you know!!

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